Ask Temptress

Sex Burns Calories - Having about 30 minutes of sex will burn 85 calories or more. One pound of body fat is equal to 3,500 calories. Therefore, to lose 1 pound, most people should burn 3,500 more calories than they consume. With weight loss, it’s usually recommended to burn about 500 calories per day, over the course of 7 days, which equals 3,500 calories or 1 pound of weight loss per week. If you have 2 hours of sex every day, you will have burned 340 or more calories… That’s enough to give you the daily recommended amount or at least enough to get you VERY close, which says quite a lot about sex - it’s a GREAT exercise!

Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles - I’ve mentioned Kegel exercises before in previous postings and how they can increase pleasure for both the lady and her partner. However, I had to mention it here because it’s ability to strengthen your muscles helps to minimize your risk of incontinence later in life.

Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health - While most people may worry about sex contributing to stroke as they get older, a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health concluded that sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years. And, in fact, it’s also been found that having sex twice or more per week reduced the risk of a fatal heart attack by half for the men compared to those who had sex once per month or less.

Sex Relieves Stress - Ok, so maybe you’ve experienced the amazing power sex has to completely relax you, body and mind. Sure, most people know that sex relieves your stress… But, did you know that sex has been proven to lower your blood pressure?

Sex Boosts Your Immune System - People that have sex at least once or twice per week have been linked to having higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA. These antibodies can protect you from colds and other infections. Sure beats an apple a day to keep the Dr. away, doesn’t it? Hmm… Or maybe the apple would just be put to better use being eaten off your lover?

Sex Is A Self-Esteem Booster - Sex is also good for your mental health since it’s been proven to raise self-esteem. In fact, sex therapists have found that even people who DO have high self-esteem have sex to boost their self-esteem higher to make themselves feel even better.

Sex Improves Intimacy - Being intimate with your partner increases the level of the hormone oxytocin in your system, the more intimate you are the higher the levels become. Oxytocin is the hormone which helps us to build trust and bond with each other, it’s what gives you the urge to be generous and nurturing. So, sex can in fact make you feel closer to your partner.

Sex Reduces The Risk Of Prostate Cancer - Researchers have found that men who ejaculate frequently may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life. They found that men who are in their 20’s and ejaculate 5 or more times per week reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer by a third. And 21 ejaculations or more per month have been linked to a lower risk of developing prostate cancer in older men.

Sex Reduces Pain - I mentioned the hormone oxytocin a moment ago, the hormone that increases intimacy. Well, when this hormone is released, it triggers the release of endorphins in your system. Endorphins, your body’s natural pain killer, then starts working to decrease pain. That’s why your headache feels better after having sex, for example…

Sex Helps You Sleep - The before mentioned hormone oxytocin has also been linked to helping you sleep better. Of course being well rested contributes to your health on many levels… From the way your brain functions throughout the day, to low blood pressure, maintaining a healthy weight, and more.

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, “Ma’m, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 436.”

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, “If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?”She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. “Go get help.”, he pleads.

She replies, “I can’t, I’m naked.”

He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says “Cover your crotch with that and go get help.” She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, “HELP! HELP! My boyfriend’s stuck!”

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, “I’m sorry Miss. He’s too far in.”

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?”

The man answered, “Not that well. When I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!”

What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?

They both cost about $100.

They both last about 30 seconds.

And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you’re a dead man.

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider. She does and they continue.A few minutes go by and he asks her again, “open your legs a little wider”.

She does, then he asks again, “a little wider hun”.

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it. Till finally he asks again, “Can you open them just a little wider?”

So she finally yells “what are you trying to do get your balls in too?”

He says “no, I’m trying to get them out.”

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple, who had been sleeping in the bedroom.As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, ‘Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.’

‘Dear,’ the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, ‘I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice arse.’

Man walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo.Tattoo artist: ” What kind of tattoo do you want?”

Man: “I want the new $100 dollar bill tattooed on my penis.”

Tattoo artist: “Why?”

Man: “3 reasons: 1. I like to play with my money 2. I like to see my money grow 3. Next time the wife wants to go out and blow $100 she can stay at home.”

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, “Honey, would you give me a blow job?”Horrified, she replies “Are you mad? My parents will see us!” “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught “Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!” “No way. It’s just too risky!” “Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?”

“No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!” “Oh yes you can. Please?”

“No, no. I just can’t” “I’m begging you …”

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, “Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God’s sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.”

A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, “Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?”The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop, answered, “Uh, yes, Ma’am. We do.”

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, “D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?”

“Well, yes Ma’am, we do. We have several that size.” Forming a 5″ circle with her fingers, she then asked, “A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?”

“Well… Yes ma’am a few of them are about that big.”

“D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?”

“Yes, Ma’am, one of them does.”

“W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?”

On having business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Chinese prostitute in Hong Kong.Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird, green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to his doctor, “Doctor Jones”, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion.

Joe contacted Doctor Smith and showed him the green growth.

Doctor Smith said, ‘I am sorry but Doctor Jones is correct. We must amputate right away.’

Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor.
They must deal with this all the time.

He went to Doctor Chu Wong.

Doctor Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said, ‘These Western doctors - so quick to Chop, Chop, Chop. Amputation not necessary’

Joe was relieved. Doctor Wong said, ‘You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own.’

One day grandpa says to grandma “Why don’t we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?”So they get to the motel and go into the room.

Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it’s been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard.

Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. “My God woman” he says “you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!”

Man goes to the doctor, “Doctor, my penis is orange. What can I do about it?”Doctor scratches his head, says “I’ve never seen anything like it. Take these pills and come back in a week and see if there are any changes.”

The guy comes back in a week, his dick is still orange.

Doctor says, “Let’s see if we can figure out what is causing this. Tell me about your life-style.”

Guy says “I’m single, live alone, just a normal type.”

Doctor: “How do you spend your evenings?”

“I like to watch porno videos and eat Cheetos. Why?”

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

For his first time, this young redneck is making love to a young girl. Suddenly he stops. The girl asks, “Is there anything wrong?”Not wanting to sound inexperienced, the young redneck says, “Honey, I hate to be critical; but you’ve got the dryest twat I’ve ever encountered.”

The girl replies, “Move up, you dummy. You’re licking the rug!”